The Most Magic Place in the World
by space333
Summary: He was everything she hated and everything she loved. Lily&Severus, set during the Marauders time. NO SPOILERS.
1. Chapter 1

What can I say? I own none of them… it all belongs to JKR. There are NO spoilers for HP7. This is just my own idea of what could have happened.

Rating: K+

Pairing: Lily/Severus

**The Most Magic Place in the World**

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.— Norman Cousins

Chapter 1 - Potion Partners

_September, 1973._**  
**

As always, Professor Slughorn's classroom was filled with a variety of vapors and billows of fumes. While large, bubbling cauldrons spun on fires, the sole purpose of some others was to awaken the students' curiosity.

Instantly reminded that she would be learning more advanced magic this year at Hogwarts, Lily Evans walked into the Potions classroom behind a couple of her fellow Gryffindors. There was a lot of animated chatter, the predominant topic of conversation being the summer holidays that had just ended. Personally she was simply thrilled to be here again, and she had a feeling that Potions would remain her favorite subject this year.

It was definitely a good omen that they started with a double-period, and not even the sight of the Slytherins entering the classroom at the same time as the Gryffindors altered her good mood. True, the rivalry between the two houses was legendary − and their year was no exception − but it wasn't her main concern at the moment; peering at the diverse cauldrons as she walked in and sat down was far more intriguing.

"Good morning, good morning." Slughorn started the lesson jovially. "Now close the door, that's it, thank you," he said as one last Slytherin showed up. "Has everybody arrived?" He took his time looking at them in turn, winking slightly as his gaze stopped on Lily and on a couple of other students he was quite fond of.

Lily couldn't help exchanging a knowing glance with one of the girls who shared her Dormitory, and who had also attended Slughorn's so-called parties the previous year. It seemed more adequate to call them reunions, and to say that Slughorn wasn't interested in the meetings themselves but in the benefits he would later make from the ones he had influenced was unnecessary. It didn't really matter anyway; Lily had come to appreciate the professor's talents. He was, after all, the best potion maker she'd ever met.

"Well then, let's get going," Slughorn began. "I could of course ask you to take your brand new books out," he chuckled slightly as he caught sight of everyone's disillusioned expressions, "But I doubt you'll appreciate it if your first hour of Potions consists in reading. Therefore−" he said in a theatrical tone, "Please take out your potion ingredients and get paired. Today we shall be brewing a blood-replenishing potion. Now listen carefully, you must pay extra care to the instructions because Madam Pomfrey just informed me that she only has a couple of bottles left." He lowered his voice in a very melodramatic manner. "Therefore your actions will be crucial."

Everyone hastily bent down to retrieve their ingredients from their bags. "Oh, Lily," Slughorn called.

Lily looked up hurriedly. It wasn't the fact that she was being called by her first name that surprised her− she was quite used to that− but what did Slughorn want with her on their very first hour of Potions?

"I'd like you and Severus to share a table together. You're the best potion makers here; we'll see what you can come up with. Both your talents put together should do wonders, and Madam Pomfrey will be happy to know she can count on students for a bit of help."

It took a good five seconds before Lily understood what Slughorn had just asked her to do, and one glance at her horrified friend was enough to convince her that she had indeed heard right

Lily knew who Severus was. He was excellent in Potions, which inspired a certain amount of respect − but he also happened to be one of the most disliked Slytherins at Hogwarts. She had heard the whispers: the pallid, skinny, greasy-haired boy knew a lot about the Dark Arts.

There were a few snickers after Slughorn had spoken; he ignored them and started giving out instructions for brewing the potion. Lily watched as Snape reluctantly seized his schoolbag and made his way toward her table, averting his eyes. Meanwhile her friend moved a couple of rows toward the front and shared a table with another girl Lily knew fairly well; she was one of the few Slytherins she had come to be acquainted with.

When she gave a glance over her shoulder, Lily saw Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin both drinking Slughorn's every word; further behind, Sirius Black was muttering something to James Potter.

She frowned slightly at the sight of the latter, and even more so when he ran a hand through his messy hair. She didn't know who she'd rather have as a partner between popular arrogant Potter and unpopular skillful Snape. Not that she had a choice. Well, at least, there was one good thing about being paired up with Severus Snape. On the contrary to James Potter, he wouldn't end up asking her out.

_tbc..._


	2. Chapter 2

Second installment... for disclaimers, see chapter 1.

AC, vi riddle and The Slate Reaper... thanks for the reviews!

Chapter 2 - Prefect Duty

_March 1976_

"I wouldn't dare get within ten feet of _your_ things, Potter. I'd have to wash my hands afterwards."

Lily froze when she heard the snide comment, stopping so suddenly in the middle of the corridor that her friend collided with her. _Why am I not surprised_, she mused. It had been at _least_ a week since that big-headed idiot in her class had hexed anyone.

Someone snorted contemptuously, and Lily leaned forward to make sure she took notice of whatever was going on. Barely a second later a voice shouted, "_Stupefy!_"

There was a loud thump and Lily couldn't help wincing as if it was she who had been stunned. Given the fact that the voices sounded close and not muffled at all, she suspected that Potter and his gang were right in the adjacent corridor.

"Don't bother, Lily…" the girl behind her whispered in warning. "We're going to be late."

But Lily _was_ bothered. Unfortunately she happened to be a Prefect ever since the beginning of the year, and school Prefects were supposed to handle such cases. She was accustomed to Potter and Black going too far, especially when it came to trying to ridicule Snape− because the acerbic voice unmistakably belonged to the Slytherin who shared her table in Potions.

"What's wrong?" came yet another voice. It was low and poised, although its owner seemed to be talking as carefully as if he were walking on eggs. Lily recognized the tone as Remus Lupin's. Pettigrew mustn't have been far behind; the four of them always hung out together.

"Someone stole James's bag." The snicker belonged to Sirius Black.

"Ah," Lupin said simply, as though that explained everything.

Lily felt the blood rushing to her temples. It enraged her that Remus Lupin wasn't exercising any control over his friends. He was supposed to be a Prefect too, wasn't he?

"Are you actually going to tell them off?" Lily's friend whispered in her ear. She didn't seem thrilled at the idea.

"Prefect's privilege," Lily replied sullenly, her hand darting toward the pocket where she kept her wand. When it came to dealing with Potter and Black, she wasn't likely to take risks.

Lily turned the corner. It was as she had expected; Potter and Black standing with their wands out, towering over Snape, and Lupin and Pettigrew behind, with Lupin not daring to move although he did wear a disapproving crease between his eyebrows.

Snape wasn't completely stunned. Apparently Potter had managed, gods only knew how, to stun no more than the upper part of his body, so that he was frantically trying to fight the spell off. In another universe, Lily might have been curious to know how Potter had done that− but she was far from finding the sight of Severus Snape twitching on the floor entertaining.

"You're not entirely right, Sirius," Potter was saying. He was speaking so smugly that Lily wondered how he could live with himself. Some students were obviously finding this superiority something to be jealous of though; there was a small circle of onlookers already laughing heartily and more and more where joining them as the seconds went by.

"_Someone_ didn't steal my bag," Potter went on. "_Snivellus_ here did."

"And I don't suppose anyone _else_ could have been tempted to take your schoolbag," Lily cut in loudly. "Gifted with intelligence as you are, this didn't, of course, cross your mind."

James and Sirius both turned around at the same time. She thought Potter was going to hex her too, but he seemed strangely rooted on the spot when he saw her. However he recovered from his supposed surprise at the speed of light and flashed a grin. "Hey, Evans."

"James, mate," Sirius said in a ridiculously portentous tone, "I think she's flattering you. What about me, Lily?"

She cast him a glance that could have frozen water. In background, Snape was still trying to get rid of the spell, which was wearing off. "_You_ are both going to help him on his feet," Lily said with cold fury as Snape grabbed his wand.

During a flickering second, she had the impression that James was going to laugh at her − but on the contrary, he seemed to make a decision and declared seriously, "All right." He ran a hand through his messy hair, and the gesture was so well rehearsed that he seemed to be doing it without thinking. "I get Snivellus back up and then you go out with me, Evans. Deal?"

James was just pathetic… Lily resisted the urge to hex him too. She was truly mad, both because she hated it when he asked her out like this in front of everyone and because she found it maddening that he could grant himself the right to hex anyone just for the fun of it. There were a thousand reasons that she could have brought forward to explain why she hated Potter, and the fact that he kept calling Snape Snivellus, Snivelly or any other offensive names wasn't last on that list − but she wouldn't stoop so low as to use his methods and get into a fight, however tempting it might be.

She didn't even waver at Potter's last words, keeping a stiff upper lip. "Leave him alone."

"Or what?" James retorted.

It happened so fast that Lily barely had the time to notice what was happening. Before she had the time to reply anything Snape pointed his wand at James. "Furnuncul−"

"Incarcero!" Sirius shouted, and thick ropes erupted from the tip of his wand. The next second, they were coiling up on Snape, tying his wrists and ankles.

Lily darted in his direction. This spell was dangerous; what if the ropes reached his neck and strangled him?

"Evans, he's not worth it−" James began, but in that moment Snape looked up at Lily.

She didn't think she would ever forget the rage she saw in his eyes as he struggled against the ropes that kept wounding themselves around his limbs. Taking out her wand, she pointed them at the thick knots, intending to release him, but he spat, "Get away from me, Mudblood!"

Lily backed away so suddenly that she could have been stung by his words. Everyone had stopped speaking, but it was an unmusical silence with a few intakes of breath and a lot of feet shuffling, as if a wave of unease had spread over the group of students watching.

James was on Snape immediately. "Take that away," he hissed with his wand inches from Snape's neck. "Take that back immediately." He waited for a second, and when it became clear that Snape could not reply at all due to his repeated efforts to break free of the ropes, Potter took a step back and laughed. "Well… Serves you right, Snivelly."

Lily watched. It was heart-wrenching to be doing nothing to help Snape, but she didn't dare try to move again. It wasn't that she was afraid of the insults, but Snape didn't want any help.

Still. She felt like a monster, standing there with the rest of the students who had resumed their laughter. It didn't matter that she had tried to interfere; she was one of them herself, wasn't she? An onlooker. Or even worse: the unfortunate witness of a scene she was condemned to watch quietly when she should have been the one to put an end to it.

Snape seemed to be losing the fight. His weariness was almost palpable as his strength weakened, but finally he managed to untie one of the ropes from his wrists and, panting, to free his legs. He was starting to gag because of the bounds around his neck, but, seizing his wand at last, he cut them loose. With one final effort he threw the last rope off himself and remained on the floor, out of breath.

James picked up one of the ropes that were now lifeless, wearing a satisfied smile. "You should keep one," he snickered in Snape's direction, "As a souvenir, in case you ever want to steal my things again."

A shudder ran up Lily's spine as Snape threw him a glance of utmost loathing, and she wondered if he was going to curse Potter for good this time. But James turned on his heels, closely followed by Black and Pettigrew, and Snape, too exhausted to return the fight, said nothing. Lily noticed that his left arm was twisted at an odd angle, as if it was dislocated. But not a sound came out of his mouth; not a whimper, not a complaint.

Most students imitated James and Sirius and left, but one of them hung back, seeming shocked. Lily gave Lupin a sour look that he didn't return. She felt like saying something along the lines of a sarcastic, _What a perfect Prefect you are, Remus Lupin_. But the words never came out then because a small voice in her head whispered, _You're not much better than him_.

"Lily?" her friend called at last. "Are you coming?"

She nodded and gave a last glance in Snape's direction. He looked up at her challengingly, one of his fists tightly closed into a ball. Averting her eyes, Lily slowly turned around.

--------------------------

"You're going to see _Snape_? You don't have to do that, it's not your fault if Potter cast him that spell."

"Well," Lily protested, "He was hurt pretty badly and−"

"Come on, this is _Snape we're_ talking about."

"So?"

"So," her friend snorted. "Don't tell me you actually care for _Snape_. Just because he's your partner in Potions because Slughorn made it so doesn't mean he's worth the attention."

Lily gave a small sigh and, glad they were in the library, pretended to be reading a book. Ever since the day they had produced what Slughorn still called from time to time the most extraordinary blood-replenishing potion he'd ever laid his eyes on, he had insisted that she and Snape remain together during his classes. The most disquieting result of this decision was that Lily, even after several years, still didn't know what to think of Snape.

To say that she didn't care about him would have been a lie, and that was maybe why her friend's last comment bothered her so much. He was truly a good potion maker, more than just decent. She could see the genius and skill he possessed, but he was an enigma on the whole. It was evident that he was misunderstood by most, especially those who didn't know him at all: everyone despised him but the few Slytherins he seemed to be getting along fine with. Well, they were a detestable lot, Lestrange, Goyle, Avery and the rest of them, but at least he wasn't entirely alone all the time. Rumor was, it wasn't friendship that kept them together but a common fascination for the Dark Arts.

Which part of it was true? Lily wasn't sure she could tell. The pale, unpopular Slytherin was as clever and logical as he was disconcerting. He'd been cooperative in Potions most of the time, but always with this distance between them; and she'd never been quite able to decipher him. Nothing filtered from his dark, intense gaze that seemed to read minds and his soft, low voice was almost always devoid of emotion. It was as though he always made sure to keep himself enveloped by an aura of mystery that never wavered.

And he was brave, after all. She'd never seen him give in to Potter or Black, nor to anyone else. He had an impressive character that was even… appealing.

Oh, God. She couldn't believe she had just thought that about Snape, the hated Slytherin. Lily gave a glance at her watch, yawned and stood up.

"You're going to bed?" Her friend raised an eyebrow.

Lily tried to think quickly. It was getting late, but she still had the time to make a detour and check on Snape before curfew. "Yes, bed," she finally mumbled. "I might go down to the kitchens first, I'm hungry."

"That's because you didn't eat enough at dinner."

Lily gave a vague approval and left the library, immensely thankful that the girl who shared her Dormitory hadn't found she was hungry too.

The corridors were empty for the most part; a few students were headed to their Common Rooms and she avoided Peeves by choosing the longest path around when she heard the racket he was the source of near the second floor.

The Hospital Wing was as silent as usual. Lily pushed open the door with hesitation, wondering what she was going to say. Perhaps Snape would be asleep? She made her way through the first beds, noticing how white the entire place was; white and spotless.

Snape was lying on a bed about two-third down the way. He straightened up when he saw her enter. It wasn't until she was at the foot of his bed that she understood the inappropriateness of the situation: Snape with a splinted arm staring at her mutely, and she, standing with discomfort beside him in the quiet hospital wing.

"Are you all right?" Lily's voice was oddly magnified by the empty place.

"What do you care?" Snape said aggressively.

Such animosity temporarily stopped her. Again she realized that she was acting very strangely tonight; why had she come? She would never have done so before; she might not even have bothered to _care_ before, especially not for someone who had insulted her. So what had changed?

While all these thoughts crossed her mind, Snape grabbed a book on the bedside table and started reading as though he wasn't aware that she was still near his bed. It was really a shame that Lily had just done the exact same thing in the library a few minutes before; she knew the tactic well by now.

"I'm a Prefect," she said straightforwardly, even if she had the impression to be talking to a wall. "They were out of line. I ought to have stopped them."

Snape didn't blink, but she knew he wasn't reading because his eyes weren't moving. Was he really that annoyed by her presence? Or maybe… slightly taken aback? Lily couldn't tell: like ninety nine percent of the time, his expression was smoothly unreadable.

He finally looked up. "I called you a Mudblood."

It sounded like a statement and he made it devoid of sentiment, so that his intentions remained unclear. Was he about to insult her Muggle origins again? Or was this some kind of apology? He was truly a master in the art of hiding his feelings.

She gave a casual shrug, trying to appear more unconcerned than she actually was. "Everyone would lose their temper with Potter around. I shouldn't have let him hex you anyway."

At these words she thought she saw a flash of anger in his dark eyes. "Is that why you came?" He seemed to be gritting his teeth. "To ease your conscience before you walk away just like everybody else? Or maybe−" he added mockingly, "You're afraid to be alone in Potions."

Lily stared. Any thought of remorse was leaving her; she didn't think she wanted to care for someone like Snape after all. She felt infuriated that they couldn't even manage to have a normal conversation. But then again, what had she expected? He was a Slytherin, and, being a Gryffindor, he considered her on James's side.

"Maybe Potter's right about you," she said before she began walking away. She had wanted to reply in an unpleasant tone that would have been as spiteful as his was, but it had only sounded a bit awkward. Why was it that she _couldn't_ hate him like everyone else did?

Lily was already ten feet away when Snape spoke: "Evans, wait−"

She wheeled around. When she met his eyes she found no anger there, just… something quite impossible to define. He had extended a hand as though to prevent her from leaving, and she noticed how troubled his gaze was.

"Thank you," he muttered in a breath. Only because he seemed to think that an explanation was required did he add, "For coming."

Lily found she didn't know what to reply.

_tbc..._


	3. Chapter 3

A shorter chapter… but needed : )

Chapter 3 - Secrets

_June, 1977._

The night was warm and the grounds of Hogwarts completely quiet but for the sound of Lily's own voice in the dark. "It's beautiful, isn't it?" she was gazing at the stars spread across the vault of heaven.

"It's perfect," Severus answered serenely.

That it was. Lily's head was resting on his shoulder; they were lying on the ground, their cloaks spread on the grass to prevent the humidity from damping their clothes. It wasn't the first time they had sneaked out of the castle unnoticed at night just to be together, and Lily certainly hoped it wouldn't be the last.

They didn't talk for a while, just enjoying the moment− but eventually Lily began to be uncomfortable. It wasn't that she was starting to feel numb on the hard ground; she was only asking herself probably too many questions for her own good. Her relaxed position gave no hint of her inner turmoil, but the thoughts were swirling in her mind. And in a way she knew why she felt so uncertain. Oh yes, she knew, even if she had never acknowledged it yet.

She and Severus might not be doing anything wrong,− well, except being out at night, but that was another matter− but she still felt unnervingly blameworthy. That last feeling was mixed with dread at the idea that someone might find out about them, anxiety when she thought of what the future could be made of, and a thousand different emotions she couldn't really sort out.

What they were doing made no sense, did it? She shifted slightly, her hand in his. He wasn't moving at all, so that she could have believed him asleep; but he was probably deep in thought, just like her. After a while, she couldn't help but ask, "What would they say, if they knew?"

He took his time to think, and although the pressure of his hand in hers did not vary, she thought she heard a small, frustrated sigh from him. Then he answered, "They would hate us."

Lily shut her eyes, feeling cold even if the temperature was exceptionally pleasant. She could just imagine what would happen if someone even saw them together. Severus was right, they would be literally _hated_. It wouldn't matter that what drove the other students to loath them would be jealously, surprise or incomprehension. From popular and smart student she would become the discredited Gryffindor girl everyone would point at because she had dared go out with _Snape_. It wouldn't matter that she loved him; they would be outcasts.

And yet… yet she was willing to risk it all just for a chance to be with him. She would have renounced anything for a moment like this. But how long would it last until they were forced apart? How long until their night escapades went noticed, how long until one of them declared they couldn't bear this hidden relationship anymore? How long until they stopped fooling themselves and faced the painful reality that would not only hit them hard, but separate them forever?

"One thing at a time, Lil," Severus said in a whisper.

A bewildered silence followed his words. "How did you know what I was thinking?" Lily finally asked. She couldn't keep the suspicion out of her voice. It wasn't the first time he seemed to read her mind, and she hated to think about the reasons that would explain why he might be able to do that.

"It's not what you think," he answered promptly. "I swear, Lil. It's just that… We both have a lot of things to think about, both of us. But I'll never use Legilimency to spy on your thoughts. Never."

"I know," Lily replied. She smiled at him even if he couldn't see anything more than the outlines of her face in the dark. Of course she knew; it was the very meaning of trust. However, the thought should never have crossed her mind.

Severus had seemed a bit odd lately. No, no odd. Off. Preoccupied. And she knew what bothered him: Voldemort, the Dark Arts, the trouble he had in figuring out what he wanted. They rarely talked about it, but she already knew, deep inside, that he wasn't likely to abandon any of it soon.

"Are you cold?" Severus suddenly asked, changing the topic of conversation. Lily realized she was shuddering as Severus took out his wand and muttered a heating charm.

"You always keep your wand near?" Lily chuckled. She already knew the answer was yes, but it was somewhat of a joke between them. She had once asked if he was planning on hexing her anytime soon in case she refused to kiss him back.

Not this time though, he didn't laugh. "You never know…" he said vaguely.

It didn't surprise Lily that he said no more; she had become accustomed to it, just like she had become accustomed to the way he hid his emotions when he spoke, the way he dreamt, the way he was. There was a lot of meaning in his words; and the lack of precision was just a way for him to show that he'd rather say no more.

"Potter and Black hexed you again?"

This time he did laugh, though humorlessly. "_Tried_ to hex me would be more adequate."

She hissed angrily. "You'd think they knew better than that by now."

"Lil, don't worry about it," he said gently.

"No?" Lily replied, a knot of anger swelling inside her. "They have no right to−"

"I'd rather be with you, and let them− let them try to make fun of me if they want. They don't know anything, do they? I'd rather let them be if it means I can be here with you without anyone standing in our way." He paused, then added softly, "It's worth it. They don't understand any of it, is all. They don't understand," he repeated, placing a gentle kiss on Lily's temple.

She decided to let him choose. They had had this conversation over and over again already, and she understood his point even if she wished he wasn't the target of so much mockery. "Tell me of a place where people like them don't exist…" she said, staring at the bright spots far above her in the starry sky. "Tell me about a world where there is no evil and no hatred, just beauty and peace…" she added dreamily.

Severus wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulder. "I can tell you about a place no one knows about," he said. "It's beautiful there in fall; the leaves take a thousand different colors and twirl in the wind. There's a bench at the end of a graveled path, bathed in a warm sunlight at spring and half in the shadows of a huge oak in the summer when it's hot. That bench has always been there as far as I can remember. You can sit and let the hours go by without realizing it because it's so quiet and peaceful." He paused. "I swear we'll go there one day. I'll take you where time doesn't exist."

Lily smiled at the idea. Was it a real place? It sounded more like an illusion, a lost, unreachable paradise, but wasn't that romantic?

"Where is it?"

Severus raised his wand again and started sketching a map in midair. It was comprised of small luminous dots that glowed in the night like so many stars. "I'll show you," he spoke softly, and then he told Lily about the most magic place on earth.

----------

Aranea: mm sorry to disappoint you, but Lily's falling for him too… at least for now. Don't worry though, I'm not saying it'll last… We all know they didn't live happily ever after or somehing like that ; )  
Conqueror Worm: You're right, I'm trying to make this seem realistic. I'm not a fan of overly dramatic stories either, I'd rather have a plausible plot and I don't want to fall into clichés. Thanks for the review and yes, I'll try to update regularly!  
g: I hope that's fast enough!  
Vi riddle: thank you for this second review…

Next chapter on its way!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - Last Chance

_January, 1978._

"James Potter asked me out."

Lily didn't dare breathe as she waited for Severus's reaction, bracing herself from an imminent outburst. When it didn't come, she wondered if he had paid attention to her or even heard. But then he wordlessly retrieved his arm from around her waist, so that she had to lean again against the cold couch. She could already feel the solitude infiltrating her body; and she feared she would never get used to being alone ever again.

"Why are you telling me this?" The tone left no doubt that Severus was gnashing his teeth. It was even worse, in a way, than if he had shouted at Lily; this cold, sudden fury was like having a bucket of icy water thrown over her head. "Potter's been asking you out for years, why should this time be different?" his voice hid the barest of quiver, as if he had already guessed the answer.

"Because," Lily said in an undertone, the subconscious part of her having probably decided that it would be less painful if it was quiet, "I intend to say yes."

He seemed to struggle for a while with speech before failing to find the appropriate words, and gave an enraged groan. That, more than anything, scared Lily deeply because he always managed to control himself. And surely, instead of flying into a temper, he reacted the only way he knew how to: he stood up and paced the room, and meanwhile his voice became distant and unforgiving. "You're going to go out with _Potter_?"

"Severus, please, listen to me," Lily pleaded, getting up as well. "I don't want to make this any harder on you than it has to be. I know how much you −"

"Don't give me that look!"

Lily stopped and folded her arms across her chest. "What look?"

"Like you're feeling sorry for me− like you're− like you're−" He seemed to be exercising every bit of control he possessed to refrain from shouting. "Don't patronize me on top of it all!"

They both stared at each other across the Room of Requirement like two adversaries judging their opponent's strength before striking the first blow. Tonight the room was quite small; there was only a large couch to sit on with a small coffee table in front of it− the ideal place for a talk, Lily reflected bitterly.

"All right, I'm listening," Severus finally took a deep, calming breath. "What makes you think Potter− of all people− has earned the right to be with you?" He waited but she remained strangely quiet, and the uncomfortable silence seemed to stretch on forever. Then very quietly he whispered, "I thought you loved me."

There. That was it. For Severus, there was nothing more to it than that simple, honest statement. He might be a mystery when it came to conversations with people he didn't trust or barely knew; he might scheme and use convoluted manners of speech and employ sentences that carried underlying meanings when they weren't together; but when they were, he spoke his mind.

Lily felt like she was breaking inside. "I do." God, she loved him so much, and the fact that she wanted nothing more that to be with him certainly wasn't helping. But she had had to make a choice, eventually, even if she felt like she was sentencing herself to her own death. "Love isn't the problem."

She could feel his resentment growing, although his expression remained quite composed. Well, almost.

"Of course love is the problem, Lil." There was no warmth in the way he spoke. "If you'd rather go out with that insufferable, egoistical, arrogant son of a−"

"Severus!" Lily called, but he didn't stop. She'd never seem him so livid.

"− then fine with me! But do have the courage to admit that you have feelings for−"

Lily grabbed his left arm. He jerked it away.

"You see?" she said, feeling close to tears. "_Th__is _is the problem. Not love. It's not that James has something more than you… There's just something he _doesn't_ have," she pointed at the Dark Mark burned into his skin. "This is what keeps us apart," she made a small, disgusted gesture at his forearm. "Not love."

"You don't get it," Snape said harshly. "The ones I'm with, Malfoy and everyone else… we're all part of the same group. I'm one of them; I belong with people like them. We trust each other and for the first time in my life I feel like I'm part of something special… I'm happy with them."

Lily stiffened. "Of course," she said in a glacial tone, "You were never happy with anyone else, were you?"

"That's not what I meant," he said at once. "And you know it."

"I just can't live with someone devoted to the Dark Arts." A tear pearled out of the corner of her eye. She wiped it out. "Not any more."

His expression changed. It was anger; the next moment, it switched to anguish in a smooth, touching transition that made Lily want to wrap her arms around him.

"I can't turn back, not now. I know it's never tempted you… you're too honest, too straight, too trustworthy… you've never seen how much power the Dark Lord possesses−"

"Do you even hear yourself?" Lily interrupted him. "Dark Lord? You're so sickly captivated by the Dark Arts…ever since you came to Hogwarts, ever since your very first days here it was clear that you knew more about them than the rest of the first years put together… No, I don't get it, you're right. So tell me what's so fascinating, Severus. What don't I understand?"

He didn't reply. His entire posture stood as a proof of how much he was suffering, hands nervously clasping and unclasping each other. But she needed to get through with what she had come to tell him, because she knew she'd never find the courage ever again.

"We've been hiding for years now, lying to everyone so they don't know we're together. Do you have any idea how hard this is for me? You're a Slytherin, I'm a Gryffindor. You're a Death Eater, and I just want a family and a chance for a blissful life. This was doomed from the beginning, Severus, face it."

"I can't."

His voice broke, and Lily felt something breaking inside her too. She had wanted to end it, but now, she couldn't bear the torment she saw carved in every line of his face.

"Then go to Dumbledore," she said very quietly. "Tell him everything; tell him you don't want to keep following the other Death Eaters."

"It doesn't work like that; they'd kill me−"

"Dumbledore could protect you if you asked. We're almost out of Hogwarts, you're never going to have a better opportunity."

"He wouldn't forgive me for having been loyal to You-Know-Who in the first place."

"Of course he would. You never even gave it a try."

Severus ran a hand over his forehead. It was shining with sweat. Lily had the fleeting feeling that he was about to cry, but maybe she had misinterpreted the glint in his eyes− or maybe she refused to consider the possibility that he might be so desperate.

"Dumbledore would never listen."

Lily took a step in his direction and made him look at her in the eyes. "The truth is, you're too stubborn to go and ask."

"It's not about being stubborn."

"No? Then what? You'd rather die than admit you made the wrong choice?" She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, he was looking at her in silence. "Your problem, Severus, is that you fail to understand that it's human to make mistakes. I don't want you to die because you're too proud to ask for help."

"I'll be fine."

A moment went by. "You're lying," Lily pointed out quietly. "To me… and to yourself."

When he didn't reply she came closer yet, so that they were now only a few inches apart. Was it for the last time? Lily pushed the thought away with all her might. All she wanted was to take his hand in hers again; she craved to go back to him, to touch him and kiss him and…

_No._

It was over. Over, she repeated herself. One additional step was all it would take for her resolve to crumble like a castle of sand under the assaults of the tides.

She backed away, and just that little movement seemed to take an enormous effort. It was like standing on the bridge of a ship falling apart, sinking, knowing how it was all going to end but unable to do anything to stop it. She could almost feel her life slipping away between her fingers like water through a leaking pipe, and could only stare at everything she had ever lived for as it simply fled away from her.

If someone had told her just how hard it was to turn away, she might never have tried. But it had been her decision− and, even if it felt as if she had sabotaged her own boat, some part of her, later, would be glad that she had found the strength to make the right choice. She would have hated herself otherwise.

"If you're going to walk out," Severus said, his piercing eyes set, "I'm not going to stop you." He was leaning against the wall, watching her without blinking. He seemed determined to stick to his decision, although she knew what it was costing him to make it. "And I'm not going to beg for anything. We're not kids any more."

Lily waited for the words to sink in. There was an odd ringing to them, but something didn't fit. It just took her a few seconds to realize what it was. Then she muttered softly, "We were never really kids."

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Serenity: Thank you! I guess this chapter wasn't as sweet as the previous one, but after all, this is war we're talking about ; )  
A.C.: I'm sorry for the delay, I really am. Life sorta got in the way. I'll update soon, I promise.  
Scarlet: I've always thought Severus loved Lily and she loved him in return. It makes it more interesting if they're actually going out together, right?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - The note

_Fall, 1979_

"Are you busy?" a feminine voice asked.

"Mmm…" Lily replied as she flipped over a page of the magazine she was reading. "If you need some help cleaning up a bit before the Order meeting tonight, I'll be right there," she quickly scanned the last lines of the article.

"No, we'll manage for tonight," Emmeline Vance shook her head. "But here−" Lily saw from the corner of her eye that her friend had reached into a pocket of her cloak. "This just came in by owl and I have no idea who it's from. Any idea, _Lil?_"

It caught her off guard. That word, so casually spoken by Emmeline, made Lily look up at her with undisguised shock and anger.

"Sorry," Emmeline must have caught the expression on her face, for she seemed momentarily stunned. "I− I didn't know someone had ever called you Lil."

Lily did not answer and tried not to overreact. It must have been a mere coincidence if Emmeline had called her Lil− the woman had just said herself that she didn't know it had been one of her nicknames. It wasn't that Lily hated the name; she just hated it when it wasn't _him_ who called her that− but she could never tell anyone, could she?

Emmeline cleared her throat. "I just said that because− well, it's written on the note."

She held out the piece of parchment for Lily to take, unaware of the fact that Lily's heart had skipped a beat. There was a note that was intended for _Lil_? What kind of unpleasant joke was this?

At first she thought there was nothing more on the note than that single word, _Lil_, written in a small scrawl that was too overwhelmingly familiar− but then she turned the piece of parchment and found more.

_We need to talk. I'll be waiting._

It was like being slapped in the face at the moment when you expected it less− and yet she didn't think being slapped hurt more than this. It felt like something cold had washed over her, freezing her to the bone.

"God."

The mutter escaped her lips and she couldn't have helped it any more than she could have stopped breathing.

Emmeline cleared her throat. "Anything wrong?"

"No," Lily replied, a bit too quickly to sound convincing. She was still holding the piece of parchment between her trembling fingers, gawking at Severus's small handwriting, at the way he formed his letters… how many times had she watched him writing? How many times had she been beside him while he scribbled some words in his old textbook during Potions? She still remembered the way he held his quill, the way he moved his wrist as though it were yesterday.

_Cut it out_, she thought; but far from leaving her thoughts, the image of Severus made its way into her mind. She ran a hand through her hair agitatedly.

"This makes sense to you?" Emmeline had her eyebrows raised and was watching her, perplex.

"It's not what you think−"

"What do I think?" Emmeline didn't seem amused. "What it there to think of a message that's comprised of eight puzzling words or so?"

_Everything_, Lily thought, unable to voice it. "Who else saw the note?"

"No one." There was curiosity in Emmeline's voice, but whatever she thought about Lily's reaction, she kept it to herself.

Lily stood up. She didn't know what she was about to do before she realized her subconscious had brought her to the entrance hall and she was standing near the coat-hanger.

"Can you do me a favor?" she asked quietly, knowing that Emmeline was still with her. Her voice was oddly flat given the situation; detached and unnatural.

"Of course."

The reply was poised but it didn't stop Lily from hesitating. This was a very wrong idea, to go and meet Severus; but on the other hand… he wouldn't have written if it wasn't important. And if he wanted to see her… didn't she also want to see him?

She gave an almost inaudible sigh. Did she want him back? It was a good question indeed.

The worse of it was probably that she knew where to go. There was only one place Severus could be talking about, but she already knew that going there would not end anything− rather, it would reopen a wound that should have healed a long time ago. Why did it have to come back and haunt her now? Why, when she had thought to be over with it?

She wasn't, it seemed. She had known all along that they weren't done yet− that they never would be done with their former relationship. It all came down to something that, ironically, was pretty simple. A Slytherin. A Gryffindor. An impossible love that neither of them would ever forget, a love that would haunt them for the rest of their lives. That love was very much real, as was the invitation that Severus had just sent her.

"I'd appreciate it if you could keep this to yourself," Lily said.

Emmeline nodded uncomprehendingly, but it was enough that she gave her assent.

It was early in the afternoon, and most Order members would be away until it was time for dinner, or even later. She had more than enough time to be back by then and no one− James included− would ever know a thing. She felt truly bad to be hiding this from him, but it was not something she could tell him about. James was very understanding, but there was no need to be a genius to figure out that he would be less than thrilled to discover that his soon-to-be wife and his worse enemy had been more than just Potion partners.

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_I just wanted to thank you guys for the reviews. It's so nice to get some feedback! The next chapter will be the last. I'll post it soon, probably in a couple of days. Thanks for reading : )_


	6. Chapter 6

_The final chapter... I hope it doesn't disappoint. Thank you for the support and feedback, and special mention to vi riddle for sticking with this story since chapter 1!_

Chapter 6 - The most magic place...

She looked around at the variety of trees. It was just like he had described it. Well, no: it was a thousand times more beautiful than that, and there was something about the enchanting place that simply couldn't be described. Walking in measured steps on the graveled path, Lily advanced until she saw the bench she had known she would find all along. It felt as if her entire life had led her to this place, as if every moment she had lived was only meant to bring her here.

Severus was seated with his back to her, lost in thought, shivering slightly when the breeze froze his fingers every time he took his hands out of the pockets of his cloak. Had he grown? He hadn't changed much, but he might be a little taller. His hair was tousled in his face, ruffled by the breeze, but he hadn't bothered to disentangle it. In fact, he didn't seem to be bothered by anything any more. He seemed so frail, shivering in the cold morning air, that it looked as though a slight touch would break him.

How long had he been waiting? It tore Lily's heart to see him so hopeless; he simply sat there, his skin exposed to the cold, both so weak and so extraordinarily enduring.

When she finally reached the bench, she sat beside him. Although she kept a reasonable distance between them, she couldn't help but notice how thin he had indeed become. She felt like saying something along the lines of "I knew I'd find you here," but it seemed unneeded, somehow.

"The leaves fall," Severus finally began. "They always do in fall, and then they remain on the ground and die."

Lily tried not to move, not to give a sign of the tumult that was going on inside of her as he spoke, but she had never been able to remain as impassive as him. Upon coming here, she had thought she knew how much it was going to hurt to see him again, but nothing had prepared her for the shock of seeing him so disturbed, so... shattered, in a way. Even his voice was raw, as if he had not spoken to anyone in a very long time.

"But the trees−" he went on, lowering his voice as though he was about to tell her a secret, "The trees are eternal. They're always here whatever happens."

She believed him− but wished, in that moment, never to have become accustomed to Severus's metaphors. She understood too well the image, of two people still being alive but of something having died between them.

"But these leaves," she said, "Once they're on the ground… they never come back alive."

He swallowed. "New ones grow."

She shook her head, ever so sadly. "Why did you want to see me, Severus? To try and persuade me not to marry James? To complain about the way you're being treated as Voldemort's devoted servant?" She hesitated before adding, "To apologize?"

Not looking at her he said slowly, "Marlene McKinnon. Dorcas Meadows."

Lily became very still. They were both members of the Order of the Phoenix.

He went on, staring ahead so intently it seemed he was trying to see past the trees. "Benjy Fenwick. Gideon Prewett. Fabian Prewett. Edgar Bones."

Every name was like a chopping knife that cut through Lily's flesh. "What about them?" she tried to sound detached, as though she hadn't a clue as to what made them part of the same list.

"I know for a fact that they're in the Order of the Phoenix."

She let out a breath, her mouth slightly open in panic. "And how would you know that?" Marlene McKinnon wasn't the problem; it was no secret her family had been against Voldemort for years. It was the same thing for the Meadows. But Benjy and Edgar, and the Prewetts… they had just joined in a couple of days before, and God, this was a _secret_.

Shutting her eyes, she tried to stay composed. Maybe she was overreacting... "Severus, how do you−" she began again, but then the truth dawned on her.

"I don't believe you," she said, and her voice rose slightly. No. This wasn't true, it _wasn't_ true. Snape was lying, he had to be. "Of course not," she said forcefully, "There's no traitor in the Order."

Still, he didn't turn to look at her. She knew he'd never answer; he wouldn't cross that line and become a traitor himself.

"Who?" she asked, speaking with a calmness she was far from experiencing inside.

"I don't know."

She had no doubt he was telling the truth. Anyone else could have suspected a lie, but not her. She knew Severus Snape in a way few did.

"You came to warn me?"

He seemed to be uncertain for the first time. Lily wished he would meet her gaze instead of looking in the distance, but respected his wish to avoid eye-contact while they discussed this crucial matter.

"I wanted you to know the danger."

She nodded, thinking it was the closest he would come to acknowledging that he wanted to protect her, and that she still mattered to him. She was wrong.

"I also came to tell you−" he took a breath and turned to her at last, making Lily's heart skip a beat. "I wanted to tell you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me."

She felt a tear roll down her cheek, but made no move to dry it. It was heart-wrenching to see Severus almost begging her for something she could no longer give him, to see this man so cold and despised from the outside opening his heart to her without even trying to hide his anguish. Severus was here with her, the one she had always wanted. To have him within her reach was excruciating, because one word from her and they would be together again.

One word from her and she would never forgive herself.

"You represent everything that I've ever hated," Lily said in a strangled voice. She wanted to add, _And everything I've ever loved._ "The Dark Arts, violence, murders… You should be about to kill me now, because your world is only... Cruelty."

She looked down at his shaking hands, so close to hers now. She bit her lip, resisting the urge to touch his soft fingers… not cruel, only warm.

And then despite herself she asked, in a sharp murmur that cut through the wind, "How many have you killed, Severus?"

His face had been so pale already; she didn't think he could blench more. It was as though the color was being drained from his cheeks.

When he didn't reply, Lily knew she had her answer. "The day I joined the Order of the Phoenix, I made the vow all the members make," she said. He clenched his jaw and she averted her eyes, knowing that if she looked at him again she wouldn't be able to hold back her tears. "In that vow, I agreed to dedicate my life to the Order of the Phoenix, and I pledged to do my best to get rid of everyone who had sworn allegiance to Voldemort. Everyone who had the Dark Mark on his forearm." She paused. "Everyone like you."

"And you don't regret it."

He didn't make it a question, but she answered anyway. "There is one thing I do regret."

"Really? And what might that be?"

The sarcasm in his voice was impossible to make. "I wish you'd been there with me. If I had to do it again, I would, but I would have you at my side. And I would make that vow knowing I wouldn't have to become your enemy. God, you could have been great."

"But I'm not." He spoke with a bitterness she had never heard.

Why couldn't he have said that to her before; why hadn't he regretted the path he had chosen before today? A couple of years earlier, she knew, would have changed so many things…

A cloud passed over for the barest of instants, their surroundings darkening.

"So what happens now?"

Lily looked up at him implacably, trying to ignore how it felt to simply be here with him seated on the same bench. She craved to go back to him, to experience again the moments they had once shared together, but… too many things had changed.

"I'm going to go home with James," she replied quietly. He winced at her words, as if the mention of James in her mouth was inflicting him a terrible pain. "I'm going to get up and say good-bye. Then you're going to put on that black hood of yours. And one day−" she said in a choked voice, "One day we'll end up taking out our wands and bowing before eventually one of us ends up killing the other."

"I'd never kill you," Severus said in an equally desperate tone. "Lil, you know I couldn't hurt you."

She tensed as he spoke the nickname he had used, once upon a happier time. It came naturally to him, and she_ loved _it when he spoke to her like that. God, how much she would have given to go back to the times when they could lie on the grass together… what she would she have given to be close to him again, to be able to embrace him tenderly. One last embrace…

"Maybe it won't be intentional… But you might not be given the choice." There was a long silence again, and then she declared, "I should go. This isn't−" she cast around for the best way to put it, then opted for: "This isn't a good idea, Severus."

His fingers trembled as she spoke his name. "What isn't a good idea?"

"You know what I mean… You… Me… everything."

"So why are you here?"

Was it a question meant to be answered?

Lily was painfully aware of his presence at her side, and it was agonizing to be sitting so close to him… it seemed as if all rational thought was escaping her, inexorably, no matter what amount of efforts she put into trying to stop it.

This was the life she longed for, all, within her reach; and she no longer knew why she was holding back. Past and present were slowly melting, leaving her with an indefinite sensation of uncertainty. It wasn't that she wanted anything from him; she just wanted _him _, with a longing she didn't known was still there until this moment.

"You're−" the words caught in her throat. She would always love him, she was now sure of it. It seemed unfair to leave him uncertain of it, because he deserved to know. He deserved more than what he had; he deserved more than just a silent good-bye. "You're also the best thing that ever happened to me."

He reached tentatively for her hand, brushing one of his thumbs, softly, over her wrist.

She didn't know who moved first after that, but the distance between them was suddenly crossed and she found herself wrapping an arm around his shoulders as he did the same around hers.

"Don't−" she said weakly, but the words died in her throat as he brought his face to hers and kissed her.

She didn't pull away. For the first time in years she was whole again, as if she had lived all these weeks and months with a part of her soul missing. She kissed him back, their fingers entwined, holding him as if he were a lifeline. She could almost feel their minds clicking in place, the emptiness inside her being filled.

Finally she found the strength to turn away, and to stand up. Her own hands were freezing now because of the bitter wind. She watched as a bird flew toward a cherry tree, landed on a bough and then took flight again, as light as the current of air that was carrying it away.

Lily forced herself to look at Severus. He returned her glance mutely, and it felt like the world underneath her was falling to pieces. She would never forget his eyes, haunted, craving and so heartrendingly desperate. If she had some decency left there was only one thing she could do, for his sake and hers.

The idea that she might never see him again was horrible, sickening. Yet what was she supposed to say? That it was unbearable? That she'd never be able to forget, even for one second, what it was like to be with him, and that the ghost of their love would keep haunting her for the rest of her life? It was unnecessary: he already knew that, and so did she.

"Goodbye, Severus," Lily made herself mutter in a soft whisper.

No one called her back but the plaintive moan of the trees weeping with her; nothing moved except a few leaves that fell to the ground at her feet, twirling before they lay still.

The wind howled in her ears as Lily walked away from the most magic place in the world.

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_The end._  
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